Why Do We Keep Loving People Who Don’t Love Us Back?

Hi friends, let’s talk about that one person we all know. Ada, for instance, sat in front of me, forcing a smile and twisting her fingers. "He doesn’t call unless he needs help... but I still care," she said. And then there's Chike, the one who brings her food, prays with her, and genuinely asks how her day went—still in her friend zone because he's "too available." He doesn't give her "butterflies."

I have to ask: Why do we chase love that feels like a constant struggle?

The Truth About Love: Choose Peace Over Pressure

Choosing people who choose you is a form of self-care. It benefits you in every way.

• Psychologically: Loving those who love you gives your nervous system a break from overthinking and trying to prove your worth. You sleep better, smile for real, and finally breathe again.

• Emotionally: Safe love heals. You laugh louder, love deeper, and feel affirmed, not anxious. You don’t have to shrink or beg to be seen.

• Spiritually: God is love, and love is not manipulation or withdrawal. A healthy relationship reflects the mutual, gentle, and honest love God has for us.

• Materially: Relationships cost time, money, and energy. Why invest in someone who sees you as a stopgap? Love is not a rescue mission; it's a mutual exchange. You deserve love that feels like rest.

Why We Keep Chasing Pain

So, why do we keep loving people who don’t love us back? It’s not because you're foolish or weak; it's because you're human. Beneath the surface, there are often deeper stories at play.

1. Childhood Wounds/Attachment Styles: We chase what feels familiar. If love was inconsistent in childhood, you may unknowingly seek out people who treat you the same way, trying to finish a story that started years ago. It's time to wake up!

2. The "Chase" Feels Like a Prize: We’ve been conditioned by movies and songs to believe that true love must be hard. So when someone loves us freely, we say they're "too available." But sometimes, that so-called spark is just your nervous system in distress. Yes na!

3. Low Self-Worth: When you don’t feel truly worthy, you settle for crumbs. You stay with those who only call when they need something, hoping their love will finally make you feel "enough." But sorry is your name oh! You are already enough.

4. Fear of Being Alone: The fear of starting over or what people will say can be a powerful attachment. But waiting for someone to change can quietly break you.

5. Trying to “Fix” Them: Especially for women who are often raised to be caregivers, there's a tendency to try to "heal" emotionally unavailable people. But real love isn't rehab. You can’t heal someone who doesn't want your help!

The Good News? You Can Break the Pattern

You can learn to love yourself enough to walk away. Recognize and choose mutual love when it shows up. You're not asking for too much—you're just asking the wrong person.

Let them go, so your heart can finally go where it's safe to stay.

A Caveat to the Rule

• Parents and Children: This is a sacred assignment. Love your parents and children regardless. No debates.

• Spouses: Sometimes, you can give them a small taste of their own behavior—a quiet, peaceful distance to reset the brain. But if they continue to be unkind, that's another matter entirely.

Happy weekend my people. 😊

p2p-counselling.com #EmotionalSense101 #LoyaltyNoBeSlavery #FromPainToPurpose

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